I created this piece late one night after experiencing a sudden, overwhelming feeling of isolation and fear of the unknown. I decided the only way to understand it and get it off my chest was to illustrate it. I struggle talking about this wavering darkness with the people I love because I want to be there for them first. I want to be strong for them. This factor influenced and inspired the composition of the piece.
In this self-portrait, I am depicted with my hands covering most of my face in hopes to conceal my emotions. This represents my personal denial of my struggle as well as the act of hiding it from my loved ones. However, stubborn tears flow through my hands despite my efforts to hold it in. This darkness is all around me as well as a part of me and it looms like the unknown hand hovering above me.
I detailed this work with intersecting scribbles of multiple different colors to capture a sense of overwhelming chaos. I found that colored pencils would add that raw and vulnerable essence that I hoped to include. Although this piece wasn’t initially intended to be shared, I hope that others find comfort knowing that they are not alone. It’s not healthy to hold in your emotions and this is a courageous step in that direction for me so I hope to inspire others to do the same.